Dear plan to travel the world,
I am afraid I might never accomplish you so I must let go of you because expectations lead to disappointments and I am disheartened enough never to dream again. You might have been the reason for me waking up, working and forcing myself to smile every day just for a distant dream that one day I will get to do what I want to do. But I must apologise even to myself for daring to see dreams that were quite unobtainable.
A person exists in society to be used by someone else for something they want to be done. A human is nothing but a medium of approach. I must, also, become one. I have lived in the fantasy bubble of being invincible and by hook or crook, getting to do what I want to for so long that I have forgotten the reality of who I am. I was not born to fulfil dreams when I myself am a forgotten dream.
So I will never see the Thames or jump into Niagra falls or see an inactive volcano in Japan. No, I will never even make it to the monasteries in Kathmandu or eat the sweets of Rawal Pindi. I might not even see the ocean ever again and only look at the mountains from the corner of my eyes. I won’t ever see snow fall. Oh how it hurts me to say so, but it is true.
I have always been and will always be the coward who dreamt but never worked hard enough or fought strongly enough to realise them.
Let me say my final goodbye and then leave my conscious and subconscious mind. I don’t need more expectations, I don’t need anything. I must learn to fit into the mould presented before me. I must yield to those who came before me. I must forget my own identity to become what I always should have been, what everyone expects me to be.
The shell of a person I used to be.