Hey asshole motherfucker,
I loved him way before I learned to love myself and I don’t there will ever come a day when I don’t feel the same way.
He taught me how to look at myself, unafraid and what it means to truly care for someone you’ve never met. He showed me all the ways you can look at someone without changing your eyes or the person you look upon.
His scented jean jacket has a letter I sneaked into his pocket when he was searching for a place to sit and fuck it, I’ll just sit on this edge of the balcony with you. Kick back your shoes. I really like you hair all tied up.
Why are you upset? It wasn’t my fault, was it?
But no I really just want to kick your teeth in. I ain’t mad at you but you’re what my frustration will come out on in pieces.
Listen to this, and let’s get lost again in our favourite song.
I’m craving a glass of whiskey more than I crave your scent again.
It’s not because you didn’t love me enough. It’s because it caused you so much pain.
And I’m missing you again, writing this letter I thought I’d never write but I’ve never prided myself upon being sane.
Let’s begin again.
Maybe I’ll call you tonight and everything will be back to alright.
I need to hear your voice even if it’s filled with indifference towards me somehow, I want to hear those words, that special nickname, that deep
‘Sup with you now?’
I need to breathe you again like an old book whose pages I just unfolded. You’re yellow from the time gathered upon you, I’m brown, I’ve been around for ages.
Do you think of me in your moments of unsolicited solitude?
Is that why you intrude upon my thoughts so often and so soon?
I’ll defend what we had till my last breath but I must know it meant something to you.
I don’t want to be calling my own name again, in the echoes, asking, Who are you?
I don’t want your escapes, you near crazy approaches, I won’t deal you my cards of madness again, I think I’m quite done with all the reproaches but you’ve given me some wonderful photographs to keep in the back of my pockets.
You’ve given me quite good songs that’ll always have a place in my playlist.
You’ve given me quite a lot of words, I might shower them all upon you at once.
You’ve given me some cool unhinged phrases, I’ll collect them and stage them in my room.
You’ve given me days and nights and some more, a cup of coffee and some akhrot.
You’ve given me tapri ki chai and maggie. You’ve given me beauty, as far as I can see.
The one who has buried her head in books once more.
With love and snores. 🙂