The way the silences speak when you see the things you are unable to hear; that is how it was- the space between us. Instead of an emptiness, the space had a physical presence like a brick wall with just one brick slightly loose. I often pulled it out to take a peek on the other side but you were too busy painting walls to notice my gaze. After every look, I would fit the brick back in, convincing myself to not pull it loose again but my fingers still touch it occasionally.
Would you be wanting to look on the other side too one day?
My days often pass by expecting it. Maybe I am just too naive to understand that you might have forgotten that the brick was there or you would have cemented it.
My loneliness has a cold presence. I feel it on my skin and inside me. How can emotions and situations become so tangible, so real?
How can a person loose importance in your life so fast?
Is it true what they say about the charm fading away once you get the girl?
I’m sorry to have put all the blame on you. The time I took to finish this letter gave me a new perspective. I can’t tell why you did what you did, why you feel the way you do unless I climb inside your skin and see everything through your eyes. I’m too limited to do so.
Which is why the only thing left for me to do is letting whatever this is exist. I can’t let you go even if I try. I can cut you off but even the prospect of it makes me wanna cry.
The words ‘friendship’ and ‘no labels’ that I so proudly use are all that’s left now. Just the words because fuck if I know about the bond anymore. THAT is what everything was supposed to be about. Guess I traded the limbo for hell and now want to climb to heaven.
It just doesn’t work that way for us fallen ones.