I’m done contemplating what I felt for you because it’s already in the past. There’s no ‘us’ anymore. There never will be. Perhaps, there never was. I’m done trying to see if it could still work out. I won’t be making all the efforts this time. You took your chance. It’s over now. I’m done keeping you in my mind and in my letters. Yeah, I promised you a hundred letters but guess what? I rarely make promises because I know I never keep them. So this may be the last letter I write for you. Or it may not. Depends on where life takes me.
But I’m done making just you the subject matter of my thoughts because I got bored, like I knew I would. And you did nothing to change it. Like I knew you wouldn’t. You’re still the last person I called and I saw you didn’t pick up. The distance you’ve created, it helped me make up my mind that what I’ll be doing is right. You were good but I would be lying if I never told you I did like your vibe. And in my mind I had given you maybe six months before I would get bored and we would inevitably fall apart. I don’t think it has been that long. But ultimately, I was right in thinking what I did.
That’s why I stay away from popular advice and laugh at people who tell me to give it a try. Because I know how I am and I know how people are. And I know the way circumstances change and how something that once felt completely right can start feeling completely unrecognisable. I never see my friendships measured in the long term scale because I know sooner or later I’ll be at this point again. Saying I’m done and meaning it.
I’m sorry. But I told you from the start. This is how it is. This is who I am.