The time when you didn’t tell me I would see you today but showed up, announced. It was great.
The time you looked at me and broke into a smile and I couldn’t say another word but, ‘Hey. What’s up? Everything okay?’ It wasn’t us. But I suppose, it has been a while.
The time you called me up, even though you were fifteen steps away. I smiled, until you spoke and it was just work that needed care.
The time I asked you if everything between us was fine and you said ‘No’ jokingly and refused to explain why. I think I’m falling back into my shell now.
And when I overheard someone say that you asked for another girl when you entered the college. Well, it hurt.
But Maybe I’m the one who put the distance between us. All the space that I needed, perhaps it made you drift away.
Or maybe I’m just being paranoid, writing about this while my body is burning up with a fever and I’m more emotionally vulnerable. Yet I can’t shake this feeling, that this drift has formed and we’ll just keep walking on different sides now.
And I’m still afraid of what I would show you when you ask to read a letter and I have nothing good to say.
And I still want to keep my promise. I still carry my pen, and keep you tied up somewhere near my hairband.
But I do let my hair loose often now and I keep you at arm’s length.
I just don’t wanna break my promise and I don’t want THIS to end.
But if I write honestly, you’re not the only one on my mind right now. There’s so much to do, so many people to save. So many friends I keep around for lonely days.
But there’s just one you.
There’s just one me.
And I can’t let you know my insecurities.
So I’ll still high-five you if I see you again.
And if I end up getting hurt, I’ll just let it be.