Letter to a Stranger #15 Timing and emotions

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Dear I notice everything but the obvious,

​It takes less than a minute for things to turn bad.

And more than 10 minutes for it to start feeling good.

Timing.

It is very important.

Something else is too. Feeling. The way we share our spaces with such playfulness, it takes all my senses to the peak where it stays in awe of how I could be feeling this way. 

And yet, I knew it was too good to last. Because priorities change. For me, it changed from you to myself.

And for you, it changed from me to yourself too.

Can’t say I blame you but you should’ve given me time, to be able to adjust to it.

Less than a minute is what it took for me to fall off the peak.

But forget the timing, you say you notice things, concentrate, observe. I guess not too much.

Because you didn’t SEE, you were just looking. I do look pretty sometimes, don’t I?

It’s when I wear my mask confidently. But it’s also when I’m at my lowest point. But you never saw that. You just saw the mask.

You didn’t see the protest, just playfulness. You didn’t see that my aggression was to prove a point, not a signal of your success.

But here I am, still figuring out where it all went astray.

Something that should’ve felt like ecstasy makes me sick to my stomach.

All about timing and emotions. You have faulty timing and I’m terrible at emotions.

Who is at fault here? I can’t blame you and I dare not blame myself. Why couldn’t have you been paying attention?

Why did I have to be so cold and numb?

How can it all feel good in one second and so terrible the next?

Should I just tell you the truth now that it’s happened or keep it buried in my chest?

Would it break your heart the way it is breaking mine or would you not care at all?

I don’t like either outcome. But those are the only possibilities with you.

Why..why did it have to be you? And that too at this point in my life and with such additional baggage?

I will sleep over this. And forget, forget and forgive.

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