Letter to a Stranger #14 Saying No

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Dear you who always said yes,

No. I’m saying no to this. I’m saying no to always thinking about you and the feelings that erupt when I do so.

I’m saying no to you being so nice to me even when I’m a total asshole to you because it’s so unfair and I feel as if I’m gonna make your insecurities worse by doing so.

I’m saying no to ever accepting the shackles of a ‘relationship’ because frankly, labels just aren’t for me. And I will say No every time you ask. So don’t ask, please.

I say No when you ask if I love you and it’s true because I am not good with emotions so I don’t think what I’m feeling is LOVE. 

But I repeat the words in my mind with such intensity that they almost vomit out of my throat but my teeth keep them locked inside as my lips smile a lopsided smile to let you know that I don’t. No, I don’t and I never will.

I say No to you holding all my broken pieces together when I’ll never be able to explain the reason behind them to you in the first place because let’s face it, I’m stoic and you’re not good with sentimental talks either.

And I say No to you including me in your life to such extent that it will get hard when my existence stops colliding with yours. I say No to you thinking about me even when your mind has reached its thinking capacity. But most of all, I say no to myself because I have things to consider, none of which include you or ever will. I say no to the daydreams and the wild thoughts, to the late night burst of emotions and breathing with your name on my lips and image on my mind. I can’t do this. I wasn’t made for this.

I say no to craving your touch or your company. I say no to your infectious laughter.

I say NO, a big fat flat heavy No to ever reconsidering this decision because if I think about this again, I might end up saying yes.

But darling, I say No…..even to that possibility.

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