Letter to a stranger#7 My high

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Dear junkie,

I’m happy. Really happy. The kind of happiness that entered my life the same time you did. But you’ve been absent for around 56 hours now. And I still feel happy, even without you. Or maybe in the anticipation of the meet but no, it’s just the music, the air, the vibe.

I’m in a good mood. Which means you aren’t necessary for my smile. And yet I damn well want you still. That says something doesn’t it?

About wanting and not needing.

You’re a choice, not a default.

And a priority, not an option.

You keep me high, even in my lows. And when I’m already high, well, ecstasy.

But it feels so good. Everything. The person I’ve become, the people I’ve met, the environment we’ve created, it has overpowered my mind. Or maybe just empowered me.

I feel confident in my own skin now. I don’t apologise for being myself. I speak whatever is on my mind without thinking twice. I push, shove, curse, laugh as wildly and madly as never before and you did that.

And for that, I’ll be forever grateful. But it doesn’t mean I’ll be tied up with you once our paths diverge. I’ll keep you a part of my life for as long as it keeps feeling good. But I’m way too young to let serious things fuck up my mind now.

Maybe if I had been 30 and met you, I’d decide you’re the one for me. But if I didn’t meet you now, I wouldn’t have been the girl you see at 30. I would be someone else entirely.

And hey, listen to my narcissistic ramble when this letter is supposed to be to you.

Well, you, what can I say, I look at you and my heart melts. A heart I didn’t know existed before you set it on fire.

Sometimes I have this sudden urge to punch you because that would hurt less than what happens when we grow apart. It will be terrible for you. I can see it coming. If you can’t even see me share a picture with a guy you trust and respect, how would you understand when I have the same vibe I have with you with many else?

Because you unleashed me. And now I’m out there, uncontrollable, full power.

But darlin, you say you’re okay but your eyes tell me different. I’m going to break your heart badly and I care about that, I always have cared about never harming another soul. But you make me weak and selfish and I’d rather spend this time with you in total positivity even if it means breaking you in the end, than not having this, what we share anymore.

And I’m happy, so happy and so are you.

But I’ll move on, from sadness when it ends.

Can you?

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