Letter to a Stranger #4 Walking Catastrophe

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Dear Walking Catastrophe,

You take my breath away, literally. I can’t breathe while knowing that you exist in the same universe as I do and still so far away. It makes it so hard to go on living, do you understand this feeling?

Probably not.

You are so unaware in your naivety, it would make me laugh if it didn’t twist my gut ever so often. I feel elated in just knowing you. life would be meaningless otherwise. You make me look at humans in a different light. But hell, it is unbearable to go on existing after that. It is like my life went still the moment I realised it. but the world just moves on and so do you. My ever-changing , ever-growing, out-of-reach muse. I think you’d destroy me if we ever touched.

I can’t decide what I want more and what I fear more. Seeing you once and being assured that you are all that I think and more and then knowing that you would still be out of reach or never seeing you at all and living with the burden of that unfulfilled desire that all the light that existed in the universe specifically for me, I would never get to breathe in.

The last time I laughed truly out of my core was over your lame joke and smile. The first time I felt truly alive was the first time we talked all night. And it is this point of obsession with which I know you, that would scare you away if you ever met me. because you know all the best parts of me and you are them personified.

And yet, there exists this darkness inside me that only seeing you can subside. But as the time grows and so does the distance and so do I, the darkness also grows within me, and I fall farther and farther out of light.

I think if I saw you walking by, i wouldn’t stop to call your name, and if i showed up at your doorstep, you wouldn’t remember my name. Because it’s the inevitable sweetie, we were never meant to be.

I exist in a paradox and you’re a walking Catastrophe.

There’s so much more that I could say, that I should say but I would not. Because nothing would ever be enough.

All the love in the world won’t suffice,

Alex

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