You are a walking paradox, do you know that? With your always plastered smile on your face and the tonnes of stress you walk around with. I don’t think I’ve seen a person as smart, hard-working and yet laid back as you (unless I look in the mirror) but you’re still more than all that.
Why did you have to ruin it?
I was having so much fun keeping you in that perfect light, admiring you from afar until one reckless moment of courage when I texted you that Sherlock quote. I guess it was all doomed from the start.
But it didn’t end being that bad. Those conversations were moments I cherished. my heart skipped a beat with the ping of the message and I find so many similarities between you and Stranger #1 that I’m starting to think I do have a type and it’s the unavailable ones who wouldn’t look at me twice but still give me hope with the ocassional conversation. The perfect lives of yours that you’ve given so much time to create is so tempting, but you wouldn’t let me peak in it, all for your constant effort to keep it as it is.
And I was getting used to it, letting the attraction fade away until one fine day one thing or other led me back to you. I don’t blame my best friend for wanting to know you too and I definitely don’t blame her for not liking you the way I do. She’s stronger than I am. But she understands it still, only you don’t.
You do things, to make it known that you are aware of my existence and yet you refuse, to let me take a larger part in your life. What a dilemma it is, to try and carry on the way we are or just move away, let it die.
But I can’t do anything until I know what YOU want and I can’t know that until I know you well enough to ask. So it is a paradox after all.
So I sit here, typing my frustrations out because I am a coward to ask you directly that Hey, Monsieur? Would you like to go get some coffee?
Not love, but a crush for sure